The Rhinestone

As the Grammy Awards begin in Los Angeles, analysts predict that the race for “Best Country Solo Performance” might be swayed in the third quarter if the award show experiences a blackout similar to the one experienced last week at the Super Bowl. “At this point, all the smart money is on either Eric Church … Continue reading →

Following the release of a report yesterday listing Nashville as the #11 city in America for having the worst traffic, administrators at the Tennessee Department of Transportation announced today their commitment to making it into the top-10 before next year’s report. “I know we can do better than just number eleven” explained TDOT spokesman Jeffrey Redbone … Continue reading →

Following the discovery of King Richard III’s remains underneath a British parking lot, lawyers for convicted murderer and conspirator Perry March issued a statement today that their client is in no way responsible for the late monarch’s demise. “Our client continues to assert his innocence in the death of King Richard the Third” lawyer Winston … Continue reading →

As Super Bowl Sunday draws near, speculation runs rampant over a variety of game-related issues, and illegal bookies are taking bets over every possible bet from “Who will win” to how many songs Beyonce will lip-sync during the halftime show.  However, reporters at The Rhinestone have found that, according to area bookies, the most heavily … Continue reading →

Franklin Glaser, 25, of Smyrna dropped half of a large slushie drink on the ground this morning, causing Rutherford County to preemptively close schools for the coming week. “You just can’t be too careful” explained Harris Halloran, a representative of the Rutherford County School System.  “Ice can be treacherous to drive on, so we take … Continue reading →

Two days after a nationwide “Gun Appreciation Day” saw thousands of conservatives rallying in support of gun rights, Tennessee Democratic lawmakers introduced a bill this morning which could potentially restrict public school teachers from discussing guns with their students.  The so-called “Don’t Say Gun” bill has already stirred a flurry of debate between conservatives, who … Continue reading →

Willem DeParnette, 29, confessed to close-friends today that he no longer believes in “Santa’s Pub”, an establishment which, according to legend, exists on the south side of Nashville near the Fairgrounds.  DeParnette reportedly cited both age and peer-pressure as the motivating factors behind his disillusionment. “When you’re a little baby hipster, still just learning to … Continue reading →

Speaking to reporters via teleconference from his home atop Love Circle in Nashville today, performer John Rich of the country-music duo “Big & Rich” explained that the world did not end on December 21st because he had single-handedly thwarted the Mayan Apocalypse. “I wasn’t gonna let those Mayans destroy America, I just love it too … Continue reading →

Unnamed sources within Governor Haslam’s staff confirmed today that they are under orders to deny entry into the Gubernatorial Doomsday Bunker for any individuals who are not already secured within.  According to these same sources, Haslam has specifically mandated that the doors must not be opened, even to former Governor Phil Bredesen, who built the … Continue reading →

Residents of Middle Tennessee found unprecedented common ground tonight as every citizen simultaneously made the same joke on Facebook and Twitter about the arrest of Carnival Kia owner, Chris Bostick.  The local auto entrepreneur turned himself in to Brentwood police today on charges of domestic assault and being a felon in possession of firearms.  Within … Continue reading →