TDOT Vows to Make Top-10 “Worst Traffic” List Next Year

Following the release of a report yesterday listing Nashville as the #11 city in America for having the worst traffic, administrators at the Tennessee Department of Transportation announced today their commitment to making it into the top-10 before next year’s report.


“I know we can do better than just number eleven” explained TDOT spokesman Jeffrey Redbone via phone interview.  “That ranking is truly a disappointment to all of us at TDOT, but at the end of the day, we also recognize that competition for worst traffic is pretty fierce.  We truly did all we could to f*** up the roads in Metro Davidson beyond any useful purpose, but when you’re up against cities like [Washington] DC or Atlanta, that’s a pretty tough act to follow.  That being said, missing the number ten spot to Seattle is a bit of a tough pill to swallow.  I mean, they’ve got a monorail for *****’s sake, how can they be worse off than us?!”

The 2012 Urban Mobility Report, an annual study conducted by Texas A&M, analyzes various traffic data from 498 areas across the nation.  Washington DC was listed as the worst U.S. city for traffic, and Nashville was ranked #11 on the list in a tie with Miami, FL.

“That [tie with Miami] puts us in good company, no doubt” noted Redbone, “but we at TDOT know we can still do better.  We’re already discussing plans to not just land in the top-10 next year, but hopefully the top-5.  After all, you have to aim big, amirite?”  Redbone noted that, though no plans for future traffic complications have been formally approved yet, several concepts are already moving to the forefront of strategic planning discussions as highly-likely possibilities.  “We’re probably going to start with closing I-440 between I-65 and Nolesnville Road for 15 minute increments twice an hour every weekday afternoon, both directions.  We’re also going to add a roundabout in East Nashville somewhere; not sure exactly where yet, but it’ll be spectacular, you’ll see.  We’ve also asked the Governor for a special dispensation from the rainy-day-fund to triple our orange barrel allotment; we don’t really need more barrels, but trying to snarl traffic without them would be like a cheeseburger without catsup, you know?”


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