Officials with the Guinness Book of World Records and the Vanderbilt University Department of Anthropology confirmed today that the world’s longest uninterrupted Bachelorette party has now entered its fourth year unabated in downtown Nashville. The party, comprised of seven women in their late-twenties to early-thirties at present, began in late September 2012 and has simply continued without ceasing through the present day.
“From an anthropological standpoint, it’s a fascinating opportunity to observe human partying rituals over time” explained Dr. Wilhelm Breen of Vanderbilt. “Some of these bridesmaids have entered their thirties during this party, and that gives us a chance to look for clues as to what causes some thirty-something humans to party more or party less as they cross this major life milestone, without worrying about external contributing factors that might cloud the findings such as changes in employment, parental influence, or shifts in the national economy.”
Breen and his anthropology team began observing the party of seven revelers, who refer to themselves as the “Wonder Women”, shortly after the celebration began its second year; Breen’s team were joined by a representative from the Guinness Book of World Records a year later, in an effort to certify the event as a record-setter (a threshold crossed this past May). Despite keeping their distance to avoid affecting the observations, team members have begun to report a growing bond between themselves and their subjects.
“We’ve taken to giving [the partiers] nicknames to tell them apart” noted Sarah Brownston, a Breen team member working towards her PhD and who hopes to use her experiences on this expedition for her eventual dissertation. “Since there’s seven of them, we named them like the dwarves. There’s Drinky, Smokey, Flirty, Fighty, Derpy, Emo, and Woo. Smokey is the bride-to-be, and Derpy is the Maid of Honor, but Woo is obviously the alpha of the group; she makes all the decisions like how many rounds of drinks to order, which males to approach, and whether it’s a Demos kind of night or a Dick’s Last Resort night. The others defer to her because she has the loudest ‘Woo’ call in the group (hence the nickname), which is considered a real status symbol in packs like this.”
Sharon [Smokey] Renton of Smyrna was engaged to marry Larry Winston on September 29, 2012, and the bachelorette party began eight days earlier with “a quick trip to Nashville” that stretched in the following day, and then continued for another three years (so far). In the time since, groom Winston has put their wedding on indefinite hiatus and returned to work, but tells The Rhinestone that he still holds out hope his fiancé will eventually return and follow through with their marriage. Winston is also quick to note that his own Bachelor party lasted only a paltry (by comparison) three days, a fact which has left him feeling disgruntled towards brother Harry and his Best Man/best friend, M.C. Jung. “I feel kinda cheated seeing how short my party was compared with Sharon’s, dude. Three days?! It’s like they weren’t even trying, man!”
Meanwhile, downtown businesses say they’ve become quite accustomed to the party’s recurring presence. “Oh yeah, it’s not a Wednesday night until we’ve seen the Wonder Women” commented Bill Williams, a bartender at the Paradise Park restaurant/attraction on Broadway. “We see at least twenty-to-forty bachelorette parties in here a night, any night of the week, and you lose track of most of them because there’s just so many, but those ladies in particular we know pretty well by now.” While those numbers may seem exaggerated, it’s hardly a surprise considering that (depending on whom you ask) Nashville is either the #2 or #8 destination for Bachelorette parties in the nation, a statistic that Dr. Breen is quick to affirm.
“Certainly, there are many different [bachelorette parties] roaming downtown on any given night, but our particular tribe stands out from the rest by sheer experience. They have even been observed giving assistance to other, less confident parties, showing them how to properly follow the basic bachelorette customs and rites like drunkenly running across oncoming traffic while laughing and proclaiming how crazy you are; taking duck-lipped selfies; becoming confused about exactly which honky tonk it was that was playing that one song you liked earlier; actually finding Printers Alley; taking provocative pictures with wooden Elvis statues; becoming inexplicably belligerent towards the horses hitched to passing buggies; taking up the entire sidewalk; and asking locals if ‘Nicole Kidman comes here ever’. “
Dr. Breen hopes to publish his findings within the next three years or shortly after the party concludes, whichever comes first. “We have occasionally discussed what would happen should this party end within the next year. While there are at least four other bachelorette parties we could then begin to observe that are currently at a little over a year long each, we’ll probably just wrap it up and publish once Sharon/Smokey ties the knot and the others go their separate ways. If anything, we may put a tracking device on Woo and follow-up in year or two to see if she has begun to lead another party. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.”
Picture found at http://jetsettimes.com/2014/09/10/how-to-plan-a-classy-bachelorette-weekend-in-nashville/