Runner Wilson Barrett, 40, was hospitalized Saturday following the Country Music Marathon when he overanalyzed the philosophical implications of such events and became severely depressed. “I realized that, ultimately, all I’m doing is running in one gigantic circle” explained Barrett.  “It’s not like we’re really accomplishing anything, you know?  You start running, you go 26.2 miles, … Continue reading →

Accusations and denials are flying on Capitol Hill today as an independent investigation by The Rhinestone has uncovered thatTennesseelawmakers have been using “ghost-runners” in softball tournaments against the legislatures of other states. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, it’s an extremely common practice” noted Rep. Jameson Hershfeld, a member of the TN House of Representatives … Continue reading →

Citing the passage this week of a new bill recognizing non-viable human embryos as humans for the purposes of assault and murder prosecution, one lawmaker has declared she will seek  further legislation next year which would allow an embryo to be tried as an adult. “It’s really about fairness, about justice” said Rep. Shannon Hornberger, … Continue reading →

Entrepreneur Lilly Forsythe submitted plans to the Metro Codes department this week, detailing her intentions to open an experimental form of restaurant which she describes as “non-mobile”. “The basic idea is that the restaurant won’t move” explained Forsythe. “Rather than it driving around town in a truck or van, my eatery will be in a … Continue reading →

Jewelers Boaz Ramon and Tom Shane announced Sunday that they “will settle things once and for all” in a steel-cage death-match at the beginning of June, spurring furious debate and speculation over what will happen to Nashville in the aftermath. Ramon, founder of Nashville-based Genesis Diamonds, and Shane, owner of Colorado-based Shane Company with a … Continue reading →

Local hockey fans are quietly humbled today after the Nashville Predators failed last night to reclaim their NHL Playoff tradition of being eliminated in the first round. “It’s a little disheartening to see that we still aren’t quite back to normal” noted Clyde Johansen, a Murfreesboro resident and Predators season-ticket holder. “You come to know … Continue reading →

Conservative local lawmakers are quietly expressing relief at Tuesday’s defeat of Senate Bill 2762, also known as the “Non-non-non Discrimination Bill”, as it means they won’t have to introduce the rumored “Non-non-non-non-times-infinity Discrimination Bill” in response. “That really would’ve been the ‘nuclear option’, and nobody wanted to go there” noted Senator Colby Mathers of West … Continue reading →

Having already worked with a seemingly endless list of diverse musical talents, entertainer Jack White announced today his intention to begin collaborating on an album with children’s recording artist Raffi. “I think he’s really been undersold as a musical icon” said White of Raffi during a press conference at White’s Third Man Records shop.  “Music … Continue reading →