The Rhinestone

According to early reports, a new study by Vanderbilt University reveals that the driver of the Uber in which you are currently riding has apparently won three Grammy awards.  Furthermore, your temporary chauffeur may have won more than three such awards, but simply chooses not to mention the others out of modesty. While the Vanderbilt … Continue reading →

According to multiple eyewitness reports, former WTVF Meteorologist Ron Howes has been seen aimlessly roaming the streets of Nashville and explaining current weather conditions and phenomena to random passersby.  These reports come just one week after the acclaimed weatherman’s retirement from News Channel 5; Howes was WTVF’s Chief Meteorologist for thirty-six years. “My buddy and … Continue reading →

After extensive deliberation, Cane Ridge resident Alan McEwen of Ramstone Way is reportedly “pretty sure” the ribs being served at a Memorial Day block party were purchased pre-cooked from a store.  These findings fly in the face of neighbor’s Stan Levenworth’s previous reports to have spent “hours slaving over a hot grill” this morning. When reporting his … Continue reading →

Thousands of Nashville-area motorists were reportedly surprised, concerned, offended, and otherwise taken-aback today when the city’s typically affable system of electronic interstate message signs turned taciturn and occasionally abusive, informing drivers that it just couldn’t even anymore. “What the everloving f**k, folks?  Can we please get through just one damn day without a wreck totally … Continue reading →

Speaking at a joint press conference this morning, a coalition of area medical professionals expressed concern over what they referred to as “near-epidemic-levels” of reported Belcourt Withdrawal symptoms among Nashvillians recently. “This is an issue which we’ve been tracking carefully, and the statistics are profoundly disturbing” explained Dr. Farukh Sansombath of St. Thomas Midtown.  “There’s … Continue reading →

In what is being referred to by some locals as a textbook example of a happy accident, East Nashville residents have unintentionally but successfully lobbied to ban the Grammy Award-winning band Train from their neighborhood.  A Metro Council resolution approved last Tuesday effectively prohibits the rock group from performing, being played, or (under some interpretations … Continue reading →

In a bold move, Nashville’s downtown bars unanimously agreed today to declare all of their back-alley walls as designated for unisex use.  The agreement was made in an attempt to avoid any potential future controversy over laws regarding the use of public facilities by transgender individuals. Herbert Mitchem, a spokesman for the Downtown Bars Association … Continue reading →

State Senator Willard James of East Tennessee announced today his intention to introduce a bill during the 2017 Legislative Session which would provide legal protections for any licensed Counselors and Therapists who choose to deny service to individuals based on a deeply-held personal objection to the client’s lifestyle as a bigoted asshole. “Ultimately, this is … Continue reading →

Onlookers this weekend noticed the return of one of Nashville’s most recognizable couples, as both TDOT construction teams and a section of Interstate 65 near Trinity Lane were spotted spending time together in public again.  The reunion came as a shock to many Nashvillians, who were still adjusting to the news that the long-time pair … Continue reading →