The Rhinestone

Citing the passage this week of a new bill recognizing non-viable human embryos as humans for the purposes of assault and murder prosecution, one lawmaker has declared she will seek  further legislation next year which would allow an embryo to be tried as an adult. “It’s really about fairness, about justice” said Rep. Shannon Hornberger, … Continue reading →

Entrepreneur Lilly Forsythe submitted plans to the Metro Codes department this week, detailing her intentions to open an experimental form of restaurant which she describes as “non-mobile”. “The basic idea is that the restaurant won’t move” explained Forsythe. “Rather than it driving around town in a truck or van, my eatery will be in a … Continue reading →

Jewelers Boaz Ramon and Tom Shane announced Sunday that they “will settle things once and for all” in a steel-cage death-match at the beginning of June, spurring furious debate and speculation over what will happen to Nashville in the aftermath. Ramon, founder of Nashville-based Genesis Diamonds, and Shane, owner of Colorado-based Shane Company with a … Continue reading →

Local hockey fans are quietly humbled today after the Nashville Predators failed last night to reclaim their NHL Playoff tradition of being eliminated in the first round. “It’s a little disheartening to see that we still aren’t quite back to normal” noted Clyde Johansen, a Murfreesboro resident and Predators season-ticket holder. “You come to know … Continue reading →

Conservative local lawmakers are quietly expressing relief at Tuesday’s defeat of Senate Bill 2762, also known as the “Non-non-non Discrimination Bill”, as it means they won’t have to introduce the rumored “Non-non-non-non-times-infinity Discrimination Bill” in response. “That really would’ve been the ‘nuclear option’, and nobody wanted to go there” noted Senator Colby Mathers of West … Continue reading →

Having already worked with a seemingly endless list of diverse musical talents, entertainer Jack White announced today his intention to begin collaborating on an album with children’s recording artist Raffi. “I think he’s really been undersold as a musical icon” said White of Raffi during a press conference at White’s Third Man Records shop.  “Music … Continue reading →

The Opry Mills shopping center reopened today amidst a great deal of fanfare, while local citizens tried to appear enthusiastic and conceal their disappointment that the Opryland theme-park hadn’t been rebuilt instead. “I’m sure it’ll be wonderful” stated Beverly Williams, a Bellevue resident and mother of three, sounding somewhat somber and resigned.  “My husband enjoys blowing his … Continue reading →

Earlier this week, former Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning disappointed the Tennessee Titans and their fans by choosing to sign-on with the Denver Broncos instead.  Though anticipation of the UT-Knoxville alumnus’ possible return to the Volunteer State had spurred great excitement among the local NFL franchise, the Titans organization claims that they are already “totally … Continue reading →

The Resolution passed today in the Tennessee House of Representatives, urging Petyon Manning to return toTennessee, is in danger of defeat after the Tennessee Senate has attached an amendment, further requesting that Manning pick-up a few things on his way back. The initial resolution, House Joint Resolution 785, states “Be it resolved…that this General Assembly … Continue reading →