The Rhinestone

Less than twenty-four hours after the Tennessee State Senate referred SB1108 to committee, effectively killing for this session a bill that would have made the Christian Holy Bible the official State Book, the entire Volunteer State has reportedly plummeted into a massive downward spiral of lawlessness and chaos.  Some state and local law enforcement officials … Continue reading →

The White House is citing a scheduling error as the cause for President Barack Obama arriving in Nashville a day after rock group The Black Keys played to a massive crowd at downtown’s Bridgstone Arena, an error that has reportedly left the Commander-in-Chief feeling “massively bummed.”   “I’ve been really looking forward to seeing them” … Continue reading →

A study released today finds that 80% of the Johnson Family of Smyrna “strongly object” to having lunch at “Aunt June” Wilson’s Hendersonville residence.  These findings are in sharp contrast to a similar study only one year ago which found the Johnsons to be an overwhelming 100% in favor of the annual family tradition. “To … Continue reading →

The Tennessee Department of Transportation has launched an inquiry this morning to determine whether or not any recourse can be taken against protesters who twice blocked traffic on Interstate 24 last night, claiming that the action could and should have been carried-out by TDOT employees instead. “Unexpectedly holding up the flow of interstate traffic for … Continue reading →

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Tuesday that, in light of recent performance, Nashville’s NFL team would be downgraded from the “Tennessee Titans” to the “Tennessee Demigods” on a probationary basis. “Names are important” noted Goodell at a conference this morning.  “We use names to find our own identity and know and understand the identity of … Continue reading →

According to reliable reports, local coworker Ralph Brixton is still ranting after nearly 26 hours about Nashville’s seeming inability to competently deal with cold temperatures.  Sources indicate that the 43-year-old mid-level employee has already cycled through each of his talking points on the subject no less than seven times each, yet continues to loudly discuss … Continue reading →

In what some speculate to be an act of mass-hysteria, thousands of Metro-Davidson residents have spent several hours tonight inexplicably standing on downtown Nashville sidewalks, despite steady rainfall and freezing temperatures.  Compounding the already unusual gathering is a constant procession of other people who are equally wet and miserable, travelling amidst the crowds through the … Continue reading →

Metro Davidson County Vice Mayor Diane Neighbors publicly urged Nashville businesses and government agencies to remain calm today as Mayor Karl Dean remains in a food coma for the third day. Meanwhile, Vanderbilt gastroenterologists who are monitoring Dean remained non-commital on just how long the Mayor’s food coma may last. “It would be irresponsible for … Continue reading →

Governor Haslam is facing a stand-off with his own party today, according to Capitol Hill sources, over what the Tennessee legislature should watch during dinner this Thanksgiving.  Sources indicate that hours of intense negotiation have resulted in a seeming impasse, leaving constituents confused as to the impending fate of their elected officials’ holiday viewing future. … Continue reading →