Wet, Miserable People Stand For Hours to Watch Other Wet, Miserable People Go Past Them

In what some speculate to be an act of mass-hysteria, thousands of Metro-Davidson residents have spent several hours tonight inexplicably standing on downtown Nashville sidewalks, despite steady rainfall and freezing temperatures.  Compounding the already unusual gathering is a constant procession of other people who are equally wet and miserable, travelling amidst the crowds through the streets of Nashville on foot or aboard fancifully decorated floats.

parade 2

“It’s the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen” noted Metro Police officer Stan Gentry.  “We’re out here trying to help keep a little order and make sure the standing-still wet people don’t get trampled or run over by the travelling wet people, and so far, thank God, there haven’t been any incidents.  But still, I can’t say I’ve seen a single one of them having fun yet, and I swear I can’t even make out the point of it all is.  They’re just standing here, getting drenched and being grumpy.  For the life of me, I don’t see why they don’t all just go home and call the whole thing off, whatever it is.”

Witnesses to the unusual spectacle report that the ever-growing mob of allegedly pissed-off and rain-soaked citizens appear to have appointed television actor Eric Close as their leader.  Close, who plays politician Teddy Conrad on ABC’s “Nashville” drama, was seen leading the traveling contingent of the wet people from atop an ornate float and appeared, according to witnesses, even more miserable than the guy playing Santa at the end of the procession.


Parade photo found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrTVzyDj8jw

Disclaimer: Actually, the 2013 “61st Annual Nashville Christmas Parade” was (wisely) cancelled due to inclement weather.  However, this story was already written and the Rhinestone editorial staff wanted to publish it anyway.  So there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s