Report: Your Out-of-State Relative Wants to Visit Downtown Tourist Bars

New findings from a recently-released study indicate that your cousin, who is currently visiting from another state, reportedly wants desperately to see “the real Nashville” before he leaves tomorrow.  Furthermore, the study found that your relative considers “real Nashville” to be physically-manifested in the five blocks of honky-tonk bars and godforsaken tourist traps found on Broadway between 1st and 5th Avenues, as well as establishments found on the two blocks of 2nd Ave North between Broadway and Church St.


“I appreciate all the other things I’ve been shown, but none of it just feels very, y’know, ‘Nashville’ to me” says your mother’s nephew, who is visiting his aunt’s city from their family’s hometown in Northern Ohio for the first time.  “That Parthenon thing was neat, sure, and the Cheekwood place was pretty and all, and I do appreciate [your mother] taking me to that Station Inn where they had that bluegrass jam stuff.  Thing is, I want to go to a REAL country bar, someplace like Wildhorse Saloon or Honky Tonk Central!”

Other findings of the study include the following:

  • Your relative spent the entirety of their Ryman and Grand Ole Opry Tours checking Facebook from their smartphone
  • Your mother was unable to convince them to enter Printers Alley for undisclosed reasons
  • Your cousin declined taking a walking Ghost Tour of Downtown because they would rather watch reruns of Reba and Party Down South on CMT
  • The nescient kinsman has been declared your responsibility for the last day of their visit because your parent “is not going near Broadway again when the damn tourists are around, and you owe me this one.”

UPDATE: After twenty minutes in historic Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge, as you sit listening to a twang-infused cover of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, your cousin is being insufferable by asking when “Garth Brooks is going to show up, I thought you said this was a real country bar” and has expressed a desire to go to either Paradise Park or Margaritaville next.  Sources indicate that there may be no escape from this and you’ll just have to ride it out.


Photo of downtown found at

2 thoughts on “Report: Your Out-of-State Relative Wants to Visit Downtown Tourist Bars

  1. Want to give you a big ol’ hug for giving ME Nashville Rhinestone. You can collect it anyplace but Lower Broad … ’cause I never ever go there any more. East Nashville is getting too darn crowded, too. Meet me in Madison?

  2. Pingback: Report: Your Out-of-State Relative Wants to Visit Downtown Tourist Bars – missing Nashville | Cornerstone Church Guide

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