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Metro Council Declares Cranes To Be Official Bird of Nashville

In an unexpected and largely symbolic move, the Metro Davidson Council unanimously approved a motion this week to designate the Crane as the official bird of Nashville. “It’s really an obvious pairing.  When you think of Nashville these days, you can’t help but think of cranes” explained Lorraine Belvedere, a Metro Councilman-at-Large who lives in … Continue reading →

Record-Breaking Bachelorette Party Now Entering Fourth Year Without Pause

Officials with the Guinness Book of World Records and the Vanderbilt University Department of Anthropology confirmed today that the world’s longest uninterrupted Bachelorette party has now entered its fourth year unabated in downtown Nashville.  The party, comprised of seven women in their late-twenties to early-thirties at present, began in late September 2012 and has simply … Continue reading →

Everyone Awkward As Willie Nelson Attends His Own CMA Memorial Tribute

Performers and audience members alike were left feeling awkward when the CMA Awards’ “In Memoriam” segment for country-legend Willie Nelson was attended by none other than a surprisingly-alive Willie Nelson.  The Memorial segment was quickly re-dubbed a “Tribute”, with the aged-superstar even climbing onstage to join-in on his own homage. “I felt like I was in that one part … Continue reading →

Nashville shocked to learn that downtown’s “Batman Building” is really Bruce Wayne.

Nashvillians are in shock today after learning that the “Batman Building”, a long-time staple of the downtown skyline, is in fact none-other than billionaire playboy and philanthropist Bruce Wayne. The Bat Building (also commonly known as “Bat-South” or “[B]AT&T”) has been a towering, foreboding presence in downtown for nearly two decades; located north of Broadway … Continue reading →

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Breaking: Woman Going To Karaoke Stage Appears To Be Bringing Backup Singers

Breaking: Woman Going To Karaoke Stage Appears To Be Bringing Backup Singers

Several eyewitnesses at Santa’s Pub are reporting that a young woman identified only as “Julie”, who was called by the DJ for her turn on the karaoke stage only seconds ago, is apparently bringing a group of five friends with her to the microphone.  People on the scene also indicate that Julie appears to be … Continue reading →

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Michael Bay to Helm Morgan & Morgan, Bart Durham Epic Crossover Event for 2018

Michael Bay to Helm Morgan & Morgan, Bart Durham Epic Crossover Event for 2018

Famed film director/producer Michael Bay announced today that he has signed a deal to direct “The Litagators” for a summer 2018 release.  Bay describes the film as “an epic crossover event that will bring together two well known franchises, Morgan & Morgan and Bart Durham Injury Law, in an explosion-filled showdown that will be the … Continue reading →

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Area Man Excited About Having Multiple Opportunities To Be Uninformed Voter

Area Man Excited About Having Multiple Opportunities To Be Uninformed Voter

Prior to the November 8th election which will decide, amongst other things, the next President of the United States and the 115th US Congress, residents of Metro Nashville Davidson County will first have the chance to decide several local offices, as well as Congressional party primaries, on August 4th.  For Rollin Hastings and many others … Continue reading →

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New Metro Mass Transit Proposal Just a Series of Catapults, Giant Slingshots

New Metro Mass Transit Proposal Just a Series of Catapults, Giant Slingshots

Responding to the ever-increasing public demand for more and better mass-transit options throughout the city, the Metro Council released preliminary plans today for Mass Transit Upgrades in Davidson County.  According to initial reports, the $13m proposal consists primarily of a system of strategically interspersed catapults, as well as nets or parachutes for landing. “We think … Continue reading →

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Area Woman Playing Pokemon Game Discovers She Has Joined Civil Rights March

Area Woman Playing Pokemon Game Discovers She Has Joined Civil Rights March

While playing the new mobile-device geocaching game “Pokemon GO” in downtown Nashville Friday night, Antioch resident Sarah Steinbrenner became so focused on collecting Pokemon characters that she failed to notice she had unknowingly joined the Black Lives Matter protest march. “At one point while we were walking along the route of the march, some of … Continue reading →

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Nashville Prepares for Guns N Roses Arrival, Covers Skyscrapers in Giant Condoms

Nashville Prepares for Guns N Roses Arrival, Covers Skyscrapers in Giant Condoms

The Metro Davidson Department of Health and Human Services announced today that all downtown skyscrapers will be immediately covered in prophylactics (until Monday morning) to prepare for the imminent arrival of the 80s rock band “Guns N Roses” this weekend. “We always inform people that they should exercise careful decision-making and be prepared to use … Continue reading →

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Tourist Begins Fifth Consecutive Day Hopelessly Lost In Opryland Hotel Atriums

Tourist Begins Fifth Consecutive Day Hopelessly Lost In Opryland Hotel Atriums

According to eyewitness reports, David Wentworth of Sacramento, CA entered the vast atriums of the Opryland Hotel four days ago and has yet to successfully navigate his way out.  His family, lodged in a third-floor room of the luxury hotel, expresses that they are distraught by the situation, but remain confident he will find his … Continue reading →

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Gov. Haslam Heightens Security Upon Seeing Lt. Gov. Ramsey Handling Fireworks

Gov. Haslam Heightens Security Upon Seeing Lt. Gov. Ramsey Handling Fireworks

After seeing Lieutenant Governor Ron Ramsey carrying “a very large bag of fireworks” through the halls of the state capitol, Governor Bill Haslam has ordered capitol security teams to high alert and put emergency medical teams on standby.  Aides within the administration’s office note that the Governor’s actions are merely a precaution. “According to the … Continue reading →

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Area Churchgoers Preparing to Not Recognize Each Other in Grocery Store Wine Aisles

Area Churchgoers Preparing to Not Recognize Each Other in Grocery Store Wine Aisles

With wine sales beginning at grocery stores throughout the state today, members of the Apostle’s Word Church of Christ in Donelson say they are fully-prepared to pretend they don’t recognize one another at super markets while making wine purchases. “It’ll be a bit of an adjustment, sure” noted Apostle’s Word CoC pastor Jerry Smithead, being … Continue reading →

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Molten Aluminum Spill the Most Metal Damn Thing to Happen In TN This Year

Molten Aluminum Spill the Most Metal Damn Thing to Happen In TN This Year

TDOT crews are repaving portions of Highways 243 and 43 in Maury County this morning, following a Monday spill of liquid metal across the roadway.  The incident, which resulted in 1,500-degree molten aluminum being spread across the intersection and setting both the roadway and surrounding grass ablaze, has been declared by local and state officials … Continue reading →

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