Molten Aluminum Spill the Most Metal Damn Thing to Happen In TN This Year

TDOT crews are repaving portions of Highways 243 and 43 in Maury County this morning, following a Monday spill of liquid metal across the roadway.  The incident, which resulted in 1,500-degree molten aluminum being spread across the intersection and setting both the roadway and surrounding grass ablaze, has been declared by local and state officials to be the absolute most metal fucking thing this state has witnessed all damn year.


“Oh man, that shit was SO metal” noted Samantha Willowby, a deputy with the Maury County Sherriff’s Department.  “We got out here and were like ‘Oh fuck, dude, this whole place is blazing!’  No shit, the ROAD ITSELF was melting!  There was a silver pool of burning aluminum all over, and I was like wanting a ***damn Terminator or something to rise up out of it.  For real.  The only thing that could have possibly made it any better would have been to play some Rammstein through the speakers on my cruiser, but I didn’t have my iPod with me.  I’m sure the Commander would’ve been okay with it, though.”

Officials report that nobody was injured in the incident. The circumstances of the spill are still under investigation, though no charges are expected against the driver of the truck carrying the liquid aluminum.  Meanwhile, Maury County Mayor Charlie Norman says the incident is “hands-down the most seriously badass thing I’ve seen around here since the time Mule Day got out of control a few years back and everyone was drunk and rowdy, trying to kick each-others’ asses.”  Governor Bill Haslam also acknowledged that this was the most metal thing to happen in TN in 2016, but was also quick to also emphasize that “nothing will ever be more metal than Lemmy.  Nothing.”


Pictures of spill incident and original article found at

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