Sources report that in recognition of the Columbus Day holiday, the Winterman family of Berry Hill have become hopelessly lost somewhere in Pegram today. Family patriarch Harold Winterman announced the ambitious plan to his family early this morning with the suggestion that they travel to Mt. Juliet, and then promptly began driving their Ford Transit Connect minivan in the opposite direction.
Pundits have alternately hailed the expedition as brilliantly ambitious and unfathomably foolhardy. The Winterman family was last spotted along Highway 70 heading west past the Hidden Lakes State Park just before reaching Pegram, and it was expected that they would lose track of where they were any moment.
In a press release sent to The Rhinestone by Mr. Winterman, the area father had this to say of his family outing: “I want my children to truly experience history, not just read about it. That’s why, for Columbus Day, I’ve told them all about the wonderful toys and clothes that my friend Mark says we can buy them at the Providence Shopping Center in Mt. Juliet. I’ve gotten them really excited about it all now. Soon, we’ll embark for Mt. Juliet by heading west instead of east, and when we eventually encounter people, people from an agrarian-based society who look and sound different from us but are nonetheless very sophisticated and possess a cultural history all their own, I’ll tell the kids that we’ve reached our intended destination and start to get aggressive the locals. One of us might even spread a disease to the area residents or steal some of their valuables before we head home for the night! Who knows? It’s all part of the adventure! Our son doesn’t seem too into it, but my wife Nina and our little Maria seem really excited about the whole thing.”
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Family photo found at http://www.allyou.com/diet-fitness/nutrition/eat-healthier-fast-food-road/print
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